My Story
How I Came To Find My Life Purpose
The next breath never came.
I knew her breaths were getting shallower and less frequent, but I was not ready for the deafening silence.
I looked over at the nurse beside me, her eyes communicating everything I needed to know.
My wife and the mother of my 5-, 3- and 1-year old sons had just moments ago passed away.
Up until that point, my life was perfectly following the script, the way life is supposed to be lived.
After being the valedictorian at both my elementary and high schools, I became an Academic All-Canadian at university. I always did well at balancing the needs of studies, sports, and leadership. I started working full time in a great career with lots of upside and potential. I married my university sweetheart, and soon after bought a home to grow a family in. Having seen several promotions at work, I found myself in a group of high potential, high performing peer group at each level, and it motivated me. Two children were born, and my wife was pregnant with our third when we found out she had stage 4 breast cancer. The diagnosis came on my 32nd birthday.
Just over two years after her initial diagnosis, I was a widower with three young boys and the life I had envisioned for myself had evaporated.
The next few days, weeks and months are a blur. I slept every night with my kids in their room. I was scared to be alone. I was scared to face my thoughts all night by myself. I cried myself to sleep some nights, and on other nights I would just stare at the faces of my sleeping boys with so much pain in my heart. I didn't know how to build myself back up. I knew that I was fully responsible to turn my life around, and vividly remember the exact moment that I realized this, just a day or two after my wife's passing.
It was a crisp, sunny mid-winter day in southern Ontario, Canada. One of those mornings where every little tree branch was individually frozen and shimmered like a Swarovski crystal in the sunlight. It was a beautiful day. I was driving to the funeral center, taking the same few streets out of my neighborhood that I always take. I was stopped at a red light, watching the traffic cross in front me, the scene was the exact same picture that I have seen thousands of times. The world was moving along like nothing had changed, even though MY world had been completely turned upside down. I recall thinking and being reminded of the fact that life just moves on. I knew then, in that moment, that the world will not slow down for me, no matter the circumstances, I needed to decide how I want to show up in life.
In the darkest days of my grief, I realized that I was responsible to find my own light.
During those first few months as a widower, I had all the loving support of family, friends, and amazingly close-knit community. Everyone was always there for me, yet I felt so alone in the world. Through her visitation, everyone I knew came to see me to support my family, I was so grateful, many people made long trips on short notice. Funerals tend to have two goals. Part of the ritual is to honor the life of the one that has passed, but of equal importance is the showing of support for those closest family members that are left behind. Through my wife's funeral, I got to experience my own death and got to understand the relationships that I have made in the world. I recall thinking that I want to be supportive of others in the same way that other people supported me.
What really kept me going was the need to be there for my boys. I was now everything for them. My wife and I had played the stereotypical father-mother roles. I leaned towards the disciplinarian role and my wife provided all the unconditional warmth. Now as a single parent, I challenged myself to be both. I filled my mind with parenting books and committed myself to become a better father. I had the incredible full-time support at home from the two grandmothers, but I knew I was the one that had to keep everything together. Looking back now, I have developed into a much different father figure than had I not gone through this experience. It allowed me to reset how I wanted to show up as a father.
While it was necessary for me to try and piece myself together, I was also longing for an answer on life. I attended spiritual retreats, self-development workshops, and read countless books. Through guidance from a spiritual leader and meditation, I gradually discovered a newfound sense of spirituality and more clarity on my life's purpose. As I continued deeply into the journey of self-exploration, the longing to help others grew strong in me.
I poured into my self-development and deep self-awarenenss, and as a result, found my longing to support others.
About a month after returning to work, an unexpected call came from a previous supervisor. I had an opportunity to accept a two-year work assignment in Japan. I felt something divine with the timing. It was perfect for my mom and mother-in-law. At the time, they were fully supporting our daily lives taking turns coming to Canada from Japan. We said yes and moved to Japan for 2 years. The work was motivating, and the kids got to experience living and going to school in Japan, something I think will pay dividends long term. The boy's grandparents were much more comfortable and available to support us in Japan. It was also healthy and refreshing being in a different environment as we continued to figure out a new normal as a family.
During this period in my life, I met Ryoko.
She was the expat administrative support helping North American associates get settled in at work in Japan. Our first contact outside of work began while taking my kids to the local parks. She was looking for places to take her niece to support her pregnant sister get a break on weekends. We continued periodically arranging kids play dates for about a year and a half. As I started to approach the end of my two-year assignment, it dawned on me how much I enjoyed her presence. She brings so much positive energy, and she was developing an amazing relationship with my boys. With 5 months left on our time in Japan, I asked her out on a date, no kids, with absolutely no idea how things may play out. All I knew was, if I didn't try, I would regret it later. We had an amazing time on our first date and still laugh today about staying until the restaurant closed 6 hours into our dinner date. Our relationship grew very quickly and on the day that the boys and I were flying back to Japan to end the assignment, we submitted paperwork to finalize our marriage. Life occurs in such unexpected ways and I could not have imagined or scripted this. It sounds crazy when I think back about it, but it felt divine and edgy all at the same time.
On our marriage date, I was flying half-way across the world with my kids away from my new bride.
She later joined us permanently in Canada, we have since added to our family with another boy and a baby girl, and have accepted a US assignment. I love our big family. Of course, it is hectic and time flies, and I would not want it any other way. I will keep developing myself to be a better person for those in my life.
I know it in my heart that there is a greater calling I am meant to fulfill, and serving others resonates within my soul.
I am here to leverage all my experiences and skills to support you in your transformation.
My Family Today
Here we are, this is our gang. 4 energetic boys and a baby girl.
My wife Ryoko brings so much love and uplifting energy to our family.
The kids, Takeru (14), Tatsuki (12), Taishi (10), Taisei (4) and Reina (0), each have their own beautifully unique spirit.
We live a life full of love and laughter (with just a tiny little sprinkle of shouting and fighting.....)